Tips for Dealing with Problematic Messages


I was asked to write this post for models to help them in dealing with stalker-ish messages. In addition to this post, I also suggest reading this one: Helpful Tips for When You Get “Creepy” Messages.

As a model, you may come across messages that seem “stalker-ish” or pushy or otherwise unnerving. These are some tips to deal with those messages.

1. Don’t be afraid to ignore these messages. If something makes you feel uncomfortable, you are under absolutely no obligation to reply and many times that may be your best option. Sometimes replying just makes the issue worse or encourages them to continue pushing.

2. Follow your instincts. If something makes you feel uneasy or if it seems inappropriate, there may very well be something wrong. Find someone else to talk to about it or just let the person know you are no longer comfortable with the conversation and ignore future messages (or just stop responding and ignore the messages).

3. Find another model or someone you trust to talk to when you get messages that seem inappropriate. I suggest another model as they will understand the context a little more than someone who isn’t involved in the community. I’m always available if you want to talk.

4. Avoid getting into arguments with the person sending the messages. I know it can be tempting at times to argue with these people, but it’s never productive and can lead to bigger issues. It’s better to refer to my advice in #3 and talk to a model friend if you want to vent.

5. Save screencaps for your own records. You don’t have to do this for every message, but if someone is being threatening or otherwise a serious issue I do suggest saving the messages. Don’t tell the person you’re doing it. Just do it.

And I’ll end with some general advice: a lot of these messages are sent to you to get you to keep talking and give the person attention. The more you engage, the more you are giving them what they want, and the more they are going to keep bothering you. So the best thing you can do is to stop talking to them and if you think they’re not going to stop, just block them. Again, don’t threaten, don’t tell them, just block them.

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